What's New
Who we are
What we do
History
Resources
Re-Charge
Speaking
Articles

Victimized, not victims
Dealing with Normal Emotions . . . During Change  

On September 11, 2001, America was attacked. 

Words cannot express the grief we all feel regarding the act. 

Those of us not directly impacted with profound loss of loved ones, community networks, workplaces or homes have been asked to defeat terrorism by returning to our "normal lives." 

We have been victimized; we don't have to be victims. 

Many of us are working out new responses for living our lives "normally." How do I handle air travel? Will I go in tall buildings? Can we develop better security to deal with terror? This will require dealing with a great deal of ambiguity while we develop new responses. Many normal emotions surface during this time. This article is intended for dealing with and understanding how change impacts normal emotions and their symptoms: depression, anger and anxiety. 

Identifying and allowing normal emotions to surface is healthy and leads to acceptance of loss. Only after we accept loss, can we do our part to defeat terror. An enormous change has taken place. 

Countries not separated by great oceans have been dealing with aspects of terror for many years. 

As their citizens have been capable of doing what needs to be done, Americans are able as well. Our choice is whether to react unproductively or respond in productive manners so those more directly impacted by loss of lives or community ties can heal.

The following exercise and information has been helpful in dealing with life transitions. We hope it is helpful to you and your employees during this time of "working out new ways to be normal."

Exercise: Dealing with Normal Emotions…

Change is part of life. The following exercise will allow you to recognize normal feelings and emotions during change. The key to success is learning to better direct and manage your impulses and desires. Please check areas that apply.

Directing and managing emotions is only possible when individuals feel secure and self-confident.

Confidence comes from within.  We have mastered adversity before; we are capable of dealing with it again.

Individuals who manage well during good times, manage well during difficult times.

The key is learning to accept the ambiguity and the challenges as they develop during major changes. Interim solutions and plans may be necessary until more realistic plans and responses can be developed. Flexibility to fine-tune and adjust to the unexpected are part of dealing with a major change.

Understanding normal emotions is helpful to more productively channel feelings.

During Catastrophic Change, Grief is Widespread

Different emotions are present during grief. Individuals cycle through each emotion: denial, rage or anger, and loss. These emotions are volatile and can exist simultaneously and/or erupt spontaneously and unpredictably. 

Emotions are not intellectual. The first step to more productively managing emotions is awareness of the feelings, anxieties and impact each emotion has on us. Nightmares  and sleeplessness are common. Reaching out to friends and loved ones--participating in public demonstrations and events are all helpful to acknowledge loss. Withdrawal is another response. Reacting to incidents and individuals who would not normally upset us happens also. Grief changes us.

Time lessens the impact of grief. Acceptance of loss is the initial step to beginning the "healing process in grief."

When individuals become stuck in denial, anger or depression and don't allow emotions to surface, the healing process will not begin.

Feeling in control lessens resistance to change. This change will require much attitude and philosophic adjustment because of how little actual control individuals do have over the big picture. 

Finding ways to productively feel in control reduces anxiety and confusion when change occurs. Terrorism preys on confusion by making "normal life" feel out of control.

Catastrophic change increases feelings of vulnerability. American culture does not deal well with vulnerability. 

We've seen numerous examples of productively responding through volunteering, giving blood, and donating money. 

Positive ways to channel anger are to increase resolve to be more productive and less ruled by emotion. By learning to listen to understand those who disagree with us and through learning more about them, we can further our goal of defeating terror. 

I personally have resolved to learn more about Islam--it is one of the largest religions in the world. I would prefer not to have large groups of people hate us; nor do I want to hate them.

Channeling fear and anxiety--you've probably heard the cliché of "getting back on the horse that threw you." Gather information and exercise prudence. However, getting life back to normal is getting back on the horse--taking life one day at a time.

Does this enormous challenge make or break us? Fear and panic are our enemies--that's how terror works. Cripple the enemy to act foolishly. 

Moving forward requires developing strength of character.

Developing strength of character requires adaptability to changed events.

We have been victimized. We choose to whether to move on or become victims.

If we focus on the wrong things, we become victims. For ten methods for avoiding becoming victims to change, press here for Nobody Moved Your Cheese.

If you would like to know more about improving productive and adaptive responses to change, press here for Moving On.

For those who are dealing with more profound grief of loss of loved ones and community ties, the rest of us must marshal the best in us and move forward so those more directly affected have some time to heal.